LMHC #8023, MFT, RYT
So how does one do that? What is required is one partner who rings what I like to call “the alarm.” One of you sits the other down and says something like, “Honey, I feel like we need to spend more time together.” Or: “I miss you. I love you, let’s reconnect.” Talking to each other and acknowledging that there is a drift is essential. Perhaps, it’s more simple by scheduling a weekly date night over a glass of wine to talk about the week ahead. Once you’ve done all that, call me!
There Is something so beautiful about sharing your life with the right partner. The good and bad times that you encounter bring you closer together when you face the storm. The way you trust and love each other in the beginning can be recaptured (with work) as time goes by. Your love is so special and unique; you could never replace that type of love with an updated version. Again, these are all normal feelings. Most long-lasting relationships drift apart. The key is in reconnecting.
Meeting my couples for the first time is a delicate experience. They are desperate and skeptical. I don’t blame them. Inviting a third person into your private life is no easy task. But this is what I do, so with empathy and understanding, I welcome them into my office. I talk about the ebb and flows of a relationship, that the feeling of drifting apart is, in fact, normal sometimes. I see a sense of relief on their faces. There is hope.
Drifting and reconnecting is a couple’s dance that marks long-lasting relationships. Like the ebb and flow of the ocean tides, this is nature’s way of teaching us an important lesson. Let me explain:
In the beginning of a relationship when you are deeply in love, you want to spend as much time together as you possibly can but as the years pass, you go back to your personal time, at times preferring it consumed by the daily tasks of raising a family, managing the finances, commitment to the job. You give each other more space than before. This is actually a healthy thing to do. This rhythm of coming together and then having some space is natural, like the ocean laps against the land. With patience and understanding, you can anticipate the reconnection without the fear that the drift means it’s over. Actually, it’s par for the course.